The truth is

I hate living in Logan.

When I first moved here I was excited and hopeful that 

I'd make so many new friends, I'd have great experiences, I'd love my classes.

Sadly, that is not the case.

I tried to be outgoing for the first month.

I went to dances, barbecues, bingo nights, pancake parties, study groups.

But it just became hard.

I have never been that person that befriends everyone in the room.

I've had the same best friends since 8th grade.

And I miss them. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my family.

So much.

I didn't realize how hard it would be to leave the people I love.

Everyday seems worse than the last.

Maybe I'm being dramatic.

Maybe I've given up too early.

All I know is that my heart has been hurting for the past three months.

So here I am.

Alone. Depressed. Passionless. Angry
My eyes are red and blotchy as I write this post.

Longing for the place I call home and the people I cherish.

It's Messed Up...

...that Shalla's zodiac sign is Cancer.

8th grade. We be creepin'

This is where my mind is lately.

I saw Michalla today for the first time.

One of the harder things I've ever had to do.

Seeing her in the hospital with tubes everywhere, bruises on her arms, in so much pain,

it finally sunk it.

I've been hoping it was a dream all week.

She has acute myeloid leukemia and will be going through

chemotherapy,

radiation,

and bone marrow transplants.

I want to throw up right now.

Or maybe cry.

She is worried about the way she'll look when her hair is gone.

She is beautiful and always will be.

Michalla is perfect and beautiful.

Dazed and Confused

Today is a blur.

My best friend was diagnosed with Leukemia this morning.

On the bright side, it is very curable.

On the down side, she has cancer.

I hate the feeling of helplessness.

There is nothing I can do but love her so much.

Love doesn't make the pain and sickness go away though.

So helpless.

The Darkest Night

My heart  breaks and goes out to the families of those killed and injured at the 

midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises in Colorado.

I'm so sad.